September 30, 2011
As part of personal observation and experience, I have interacted with four types of fathers in general in which they have different characters and thinking regarding their family makes up and types of responsibilities they assume as they have similarities in many aspects. Most of them are well prepared to be good fathers, but they end up by being bad husbands and the same is true to the wives as well. They have indeed their own peculiarities as they have made up their minds; they have designed their own look and perspective of their family philosophy regarding family make up in their respective homes.
The first ones are those fathers who wanted to control and monopolize the family in every thing and they do that. They are the source of finances, rules and regulations, policies and the like and they are the sole creators of the family. Others call them as dictators in which they are major contributors and responsible person to the failure and success of that given family. They think that they are accountable for everything and they try to associate everything with their belief systems that dictate like man is the head of the house or man is the bread winner of the given home.
These types of husbands could go further up to designing and scheduling time table for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and the types of meal every given family member needs to eat and the like. They could ask every given family member to raise their hands before they express their opinions before them. They are oppressive and dominating ones. They think that the rest of the family members do know little about many things and they know everything; but, in reality, when one asks to such husbands like, who is the President of the Unite States of America, they reply, Nelson Mandela.
The second types of fathers are those fathers who say to their children whatever thing children ask, they tell them like, ask your mother, tell your mother and the like. They do not want to assume any kind of responsibility and they forward everything to the mother, in which they do not want to be involved and they are mostly concerned about being source of finance to the family and they leave the rest to the wives or mothers. Such fathers are the ones who receive most complaints from the wives and wives are heard saying that he is not helping me and the like. Such husbands are in most cases in bad shapes.
The third types of fathers are those fathers who try to be nice to the family in which they create some sort of discipline to the family; they try to integrate everything in harmonious manner. They try to be democratic and free thinker within the family dynamics and they give enough freedom to the members of that family than being aloof from the family or being to controlling and dominating too. This depends upon the thinking and education level and also with few and different gifts they have regarding on the looks of life.
The fourth types of fathers are those who are totally contrary to the first ones, in which they could even forget that they have a wife, children and the like; they live with excessive freedom and exercising their own personal interest and desire than caring to the rest of the family they establish. This is not only out of negligence but also out of ignorance and the like in which education plays significant role in rectifying such conducts and behavior and the like. Religions and other community development works play significant role in shaping such people to the standard which is acceptable to the common good.
Basically, when one decides or chooses to be a husband and a father, here needs a capacity and capability which is not thought and gained in any schooling and the like, but such social skill comes out of observation and seeing the environment. Most people fail in the Vision. They do not have a Realistic Vision, what type of family they want to establish, but they go with where the wind blows; and they suffer. They fail and frustrate since they consider such aspect of life as seen in holy-wood movies. They become burden to themselves, person next to self which enlarges itself to the society and the state at large.
On the way, being husband and a father are two different responsibilities as being a wife and mother is very different too. There are individuals who are good fathers, but they are not good husbands as there are nice wives, but they are not good mothers. In this case, it is important to keep the balance and harmony in which it is necessary to be good father and husband; good wife and mother to the family that most families have interesting dynamics and nice looks since both are combined and integrated.
Every given family mix has its own unique character and thinking, which is inherited from fore-parents, friends and there are also certain dreams a given individual one have to oneself in which one dreams certain aspects of life to be like this or that. In my case, though I know myself, I prefer to live like buying a kilo of banana and taking my own meals every day than having a wife, who is not well educated, not free thinking, not well mannered and the like. I like a person who has one’s own integrity in life than being wealthy.
The point about life here is that it is not what we intend or plan that matters; it is how the ship that carries the destiny of our life takes us that matters. A friend of mine once told me, “I do not worry about the type or name of a person whom I have to live with, but I am sure I live getting married with someone else for the rest of my life”. This is indeed a nice remark and I buy this view too. Life is not about deciding one’s fate with someone, but designing a future, but people fit to that framework and future. When people share, life has more meaning and value. When there is no one to share, one shares everything to oneself.